DJ Dr.Of LOVE's Blog

Have No Fear - Even YOU Can Create the Perfect Online Dating Profile!

As daunting as writing the perfect online profile can be - after all, who wants to gush all over their computer about the hundreds of ways in which you're amazing, an unbelieveable catch, and the perfect person to bring home to meet mother - there are ways to have some fun with creating your dating profile, while affirming that after all, you're a pretty good catch!  

Your Profile Title

The best way to begin of course, is at the beginning.  And, this generally means coming up with a tagline or profile title, which is a good statement of who you are, what you stand for, or what is important to you. Think of this title as your BRAND.  Don't skimp on this, thinking that no one pays attention to the title.  Think of some of the popular brands in product marketing and you'll see what I mean:  "Think Different", by Apple or, "Nothing Like the Real Thing", by Coca Cola --- I'm sure you get the idea.

In fact, people make up their minds very quickly about you as an individual by just a few words, so try your best to make your first words count.

Your Profile Pics

As much as humanly possible, don't skimp or get lazy with your profile pics!!  Pick your absolute best as your primary photo.  If you can have some photos taken professionally the cost is generally worth it. A headshot where your biggest and most sincere smile makes a great first impression.  Additional photos that include a full body shot and other pics of you in some of your favorite activities will give viewers a better impression of you.

And, guys, it's ok to wear your baseball cap in one photo, but if you have it on for every photo it indicates that you're trying to hide the obvious.  So your thinning on top or your head is as smooth as an egg - don't feel that you need to hide the fact.  Just the act of appearing to hide your attributes is a turn off.  And, it really doesn't work. 

The Profile BIO

So, you've come up with a catchy profile title and some really good photos, now the next step is to write your bio.

This is where, in a few choice words, or an epic essay you get to further describe who you are, what you stand for, what you value, and also the kind of match you're looking for. 

It's important to keep your bio positive.  If you've been crushed by a past lost love and still feel touchy about it, by all means don't let that come through.  Give some thought to how that failed relationship taught you about making your future relationships work and how you grew from the experience.  If you just cannot find one good thing to say about the past, then by all means don't bring it up.  But know this: if you don't find a positive way to look at your lost love and you carry this into your first or subsequent dates, this baggage alone will likely keep you from moving on into a better relationship.

Next, make sure that you let your accomplishments shine!  If you like to coach little league or spend one Sunday each month helping out at the Soup Kitchen, make sure that you highlight it as a key part of your character by using descriptive language, that ideally draws the reader in with their senses.  For example, let's say that you like to take small groups of people out on nature walks on the evening of the first full moon:  tell the reader a little about that experience in terms of your senses - sight, sound, touch, etc.  You're going for just the right amount of sensuality here.

Don't forget to highlight the things you love, but please try to stay away from the cliches.  Just about every 3rd profile highlights someone who loves candlelight dinners and walking on the beach.  So, if these are truly the two things you love in live, find another way to describe them that tells the reader more about who you are when your engaged in the activity, or how it makes you feel.

Hopefully you're getting the idea about ways in which to get your personality to come through in your bio.  I will write more on creating the best bio possible, and, in the meantime, happy to critique your profile draft.

Don't rush through the process of putting your profile together.  Keep improving and updating until you feel that you have the best description of who you are and why you're a great catch.  And, another unforeseen benefit: you just might fall in love with yourself all over again in the process of self-discovery!

Best of luck to you!


Finding THE ONE

Do you keep attracting the man or woman who won’t commit? And, naturally you think your love problems stem from your age or looks, that you’re not traveling in the right circles to meet that perfect some one, or your simply on the wrong dating website.

The real reason for your loneliness is more likely the actions you take unconsciously and, by looking closely at your actions you might find the answer to the riddle you seek.

There is a Hindu quote that reads, “As your deepest driving desire is, so is your will, as your will is, so is your deed, as your deed is, so is your destiny.” The deepest driving desire is unconscious (cause) mirroring your results (effect). If your current result is being alone and single, than your deep unconscious desire is supporting staying single for some reason.

If you associate love with pain and heartache, no matter how much you consciously desire a relationship, your unconscious actions will be to protect you from hurt.  These limiting beliefs keep you stuck where you are – destined to repeat the same relationship patterns.

Different actions will result in different consequences. By stepping outside of your comfort zone, by hiring a coach or mentor that demonstrates your commitment to changing your life, going out socially or polishing up your profile and pictures on your favorite dating site, you will start changing your deepest desires from keeping you single to moving you toward love.

How committed are you to finding your true love? Try this: look at and write down your actions this past week and see if your deepest driving desire is driving your thoughts, feelings and actions to withdraw rather than go for it. Also, what is the quality of your actions? Are you throwing things out there half way or are you really committed to making it work?

Here are some ways your actions can show your commitment to love:

When you speak of love, you speak with certainty and positive expectation.

You place yourself in the world to be open for the one to find you (especially if it feels uncomfortable).

You do whatever it takes to understand yourself (coaching, networking, different hobbies), so you can be the best you in the relationship before you meet your ideal person.

You refuse to accept failure as an option in finding true love.

The only caution here is to not try too hard. If you overdo it and put too much pressure on yourself, you will get the opposite result. So, taking action with certainty that what you want is coming to you will release the pressure and desperation for a result.

This committed practice of action aligned with the mind of faith will lead you to a lasting love.

You are not what I expected

You Are Not What I Expected

Finding the right person is not always easy.  Many of us that are searching sometimes jump the gun and forget to take the time to get to know someone for who they are before we become involved with them. 

We fantasize in our heads about who we think this person is, instead of really investing the time it takes to get to know someone. We then later become angry at the other person because they are not who we expected them to be. But, is it really their fault or ours?

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard friends tell me they have found Mr or Mrs right just to find out later that the person they were seeing was living a double life.  Either, already married or in a relationship with someone else or living a life full of baggage.

Would you buy a car without ever looking it over or researching what the car has to offer?  Of course, you would not!  So why do so many of us jump into relationships with people that we barely know? 

True love will always wait.  If someone really cares about you they are not going to go away.  Always take the time to find out about that special someone before you become involved with them. Not after!  A week, a month or even six months is not enough time.

Never and I must say it again, never meet someone that you do not know at their house or in a secluded place. Nor should you offer for them to come to your house.  Always meet with your date in a public place such as a coffee shop, restaurant, music venue or theatre.

Make sure they take the time to introduce you to their family and their friends, find out where they work and make sure they are who they say they are!  You have the right to ask many questions.  An honest person will not lead a life shrouded in mystery unless he or she is 007.

Unfortunately, life is full of trickery but fortunately you can control who enters your life and who does not!  Strive to be happy!